What Can This Be?

After many years, I have now struggled to accept reality. Its bitter and the path ahead seems scary and palpable which makes me think twice before taking my next step. I find my decisions becoming conscious which slows my pace. This, I am writing here, just to motivate myself each time I read it, that nothing should stop me.       

Time is too much

Working at nights has not always been desirable but circumstances have made me to take up this job. It was when I joined my M.phil course at the Madras University, I found that life could not be less interesting than this. It was this that led me to take up this job because I thought I could at least keep myself occupied at night as I was practically wasting the entire day at college. Fortunately everything turned out to be well at work and I am enjoying my stay there.

Though life has become busy as never before working in the nights and attending classes during day time, I find time for myself, my family and friends. I still hang around with my friends and manage to stay close with my parents more than I used to be before. Apart from this, I still continue with my music playing and also take music classes. People call me to play in different churches and other Christian meetings for which I give my first preferences.

I feel that I still get a lot of time left and sometimes even wonder how to kill it. Because of this I developed a new interest towards watching Japanese animation movies and also got a bit addicted to online games as well. This new diversion has helped me to kill some time and I make use of the rest by blogging and off course spending more time at my Lord’s presence. When I having such a busy schedule could manage to do so many things and still manage to get some time to waste, I guess how people could say that they don’t get any time at all?

My daily routine as of now (From December 2009 till may be I complete my M.phil)

I wake up at 8.30 in the morning, finish my morning duties and straight head to college. I should reach there by 10 to get my attendance for that day. So I make sure I leave early to reach there in time. It’s as usual there, none of me lectures would have come at that time and if at all they were there, they would be doing some work. Then I sit down to have a chit chat with my friends talking about politics, life, love, girls and whatever comes up at that time and suddenly we realize that it’s 1 o’clock and time to have our lunch. I then wait till others have their food because I don’t fell hungry at that time and so I keep listening to songs trying a get a small nap till they all finish their lunch, but still I fail most of the time because of the noisy environment over there. The talk continues after their lunch session is over and we continue to talk on things we left off. Time waits for none and suddenly I feel my stomach pinching me from inside and that’s the time I open my lunch box and its 2 or even 2.30 sometimes.

Again we have a small lunch session, the guys alone, because I don’t eat my food fully and then we head to the tea shop after a while which is near our department itself. But the strong tea never helps me to stay awake and my head starts to spin which nobody understands or even realizes that this is happening to me. I then start back home at about 3 or 3.30 sometimes even later. As soon as I reach home I hit my bed and sneak off into dreamland.

At the stroke of 6 my mom comes back home and wakes me up and by 6.30 I finish my dinner and head off to work. Well, after that I have to stay there till 4 and sometimes it extends till 5. Then I come back home sleep at once I enter the house and wake up again at 8 that same day in the morning. It’s the pure grace of my Lord that keeps me going despite this hectic schedule of mine. He leads me in a miraculous way. His unseen hand guards me and shows me the way in which I have to go. Let all praise and honor be to my Lord Jesus Christ alone.

Life at Madras University

Our university campus is a splendor when watched from the marina road side. Its ancient architecture which stands majestically even after so many years is a treat to watch. The main conference hall which stands right at the entrance catches my attention daily as I pass by it. The huge pillars are so adorable that I wonder daily as to how they would have built it.

But as I walk down from the main gate to my department (which is at the end) I find a clear cut difference between the buildings which were built by the British and us. Those built by the British have a manly look on them whereas ours lack those adorable looks. I find that trees in and around the campus is not sufficient. I find the campus so small that its borders can be covered by a mere 20 minute walk around it.

As usual and not to my surprise as all the other government offices are, this campus is so very dirty and the restrooms stinks as I have to walk pass two bathrooms every day to reach the department. After passing through all these things, I find it so difficult to even enter my class room as it in the size of my bedroom in which we have a music system, a computer, tables and chairs which are used by the thesis books submitted by former students, and the rest of my classmates standing like guards for those lifeless things.

The instruction for us on day 1 was:

1. You have to be present in class exactly at 10

2. Classes will be conducted daily between 10 and 5 O' clock

3. If u come even a minute late, attendance will not be given

4. One of our professors says: even if we ask you to die, you should say ok and go. Then u can come later on and ask WHY? (It means we should be so obedient and willing to do anything they say) (Government illa…. Adha than….)

5. Every week you should do a presentation on some book. Everybody should take a book from the library and read ..... and so on......

So I thought to myself that these people will do accordingly and I started coming to classes regularly at 10 sharp everyday. But there were no signs of anybody taking any class for a few days. Suddenly a professor comes to our class one day in the afternoon and asks us to arrange the thesis done by the previous year students and jolt it down category wise. He wanted us to write a summary for each book and make a data base on the system. He said that it was our assignment. Suddenly as we were doing that work, another professor comes in after a few days and tells: Why do you have to do these things? It’s not necessary and most of these thesis don’t carry any good. So confused again, we stopped doing anything.

The one who gave us this assignment came to our class only twice n spoke nothing but only about assignments. The other class is (I think film studies) its not in our syllabus and we are forced to watch movies which I have watched it over and over again both in my UG days as well as in my PG days which was then a part of my curriculum.

I miss heaven, my MCC days. Never will those golden days come back in my life.

Now after all these things we squeeze back into our tinny little room (our class room) and breathe some fresh air, a student or some Professor comes in and tell us: why are you all making so much noise? Can’t you keep quite? (“finger on your lips” treatment would be better).

But still life goes on and should go on for a year more.

East of West “MCC” is the best always…..

+one Grace Added

It was in 1984 in this same day when the sun was shining bright, everyone expecting, the world rejoicing, and this land waiting for the arrival of the finest creations of God. Yes today was yet another day of Partying and a special occasion for me to have fun with my friends. I knew that I would be getting calls from Jeba, Itch and Dinesh. As I thought , Jeba was the first to call me sharp at 12 followed by itch . Then at about 12.30 Dinesh spoke to me . I had a surprise call from the person I never expected. It was Man . Thanks a lot guys for remembering me . Love you all. These small things brings in so much of a meaning into my ordinary life. In the morning I got a surprise call from Athi whom I never even imagined will call me up. Thanks a lot Dude. 

This is yet another day of hard work at office where I had my usual work load. I had no time to spend with my parents and my family members. Work has changed the very course of my life. But I have to take this part of life as it is a part and parcel of a human beings path in this world.

Life has taken its own coure

At work, quite busy now a days. . . . .

Things have changed a lot from my college days, and now I hardly find time. I had all the time in
the world to eat, sleep, room, and enjoy life to its fullest. But now , work and office has taken its toll on me . I very well feel the pressure of work building on me. Nowadays its become very formal, and all my activities including my dressing style has changed a lot. I never saw a formal shirt in my shelf all through my college days and now its only formal shirts and pants. Most of my class mates have got settled into good jobs, each of them facing their own changes in life. Dinesh has got into India Interacts, and has scaled to new heights. The Express had his name published in its paper a couple of days back, as he was the pioneer in starting the Roof top Film Festival. He has had some wonderful experiences since he joined work in that company. There is lots more for him in store. Well Fenn and I have joined the same company and we are having a great time together. Fenn as usual with his blank looks and his deep so called thoughts irritates me sometimes to the core. But we guys are used to that usual stuff and iam now least bothered about what ever he does. He carries his LKG bag when he is in office as he did in college. Some of the staff even asked him and were even curious as to what he had in his bag. I think it will take some years for him to change, or even may not happen.

Our Alumni Meet’07

It was a very memorable day, especially for our batch as this was the first such meet that was been held by the department of visual communication since the time we had left the college. On Saturday, the 24^th at the examination hall, when I was eagerly waiting for that time (it was supposed to start at 12.30 but it started at 1) I was stuck with my documentary project work and had not slept for the past 4days. But with great difficulty I made up my mind to attend the program because I wanted to meet my old friends as it had been almost 2years since I meet some of them. As usual with my wearing thoughts (me in my own dream land) I left home late and reached nmbakkam station only at 12. Added to my frustration I heard that there was an accident (a lorry was hit by a train) and all the trains were running late.

Well I thought I would reach late and so I did reach there at about 12.45. When I was nearing the hall the usual roar from the guys standing at the entrance (it had not started at that time) with an ever pleasing smile from Blessy mam at the entrance welcoming everyone. They started with a prayer as usual at about 1 followed by a small speech by the chief guest. Then it was party time (guys know what that was) with real good briyani (side dish) to follow that. After lunch and all the chit chatting while eating, was some good entertainment by our juniors who performed plays and dances. We were enjoying our talk with each other though not very keen on what was going on, the guys were with a bang of noise and ragging the little ones out there. The best came when each one of us had to introduce our self’s to our juniors ,when I noticed that things had not changed much from our college days with each one having their own problems while facing a crowd(though it was just like a family gathering) . The program was overall good except for the bad choice in the venue.

I personally felt that mrc would have been a better choice than the examination hall. Here, with all sides closed the audio system was so bad that we could hardly hear anything. Over shadowing these things, I had just one thing in mind that was to have fun with my friends and enjoy every second out there. I knew that moments like this will never come back and so I wanted to make full use of that. I got to spend a lot of time with my friends after a long gap. Well everything had to come to an end, when it was 6 and getting dark, I knew that it was time to part each other. All of us had a good gala time, a bit emotional at times as well and some unforgettable moments, we shared.

I like to thank Blessy mam for making this happen and my juniors for taking the effort in organizing things to perfection (except the audio system), but hats off to you guys, as I was able to see all my friends, most of them had come and we had some wonderful time together which I will cherish all my life and hope this continues in the years to come.

Farewell to Susan mam

It was in August 2006 that we had to say our final words to our head of the department Dr. Susan as she was resigning and moving on to Anna university when we had a farwell function for her. It was then when I first thought of writing something on my own as I wanted to write a peon on her. And this is how it goes……

Oh dearest of our dearest,

The most respectable and knowledgeable

Sweet and calm

The backbone of our department

Our dear Susan mam

We may not be eligible for Oscars

But we were privileged to have

The maker of the Oscar, herself

In the midst of us.

A touch of a mother’s hand on our brow,

When we were restless and tossed.

A word from you asking what’s wrong,

When we thought no one noticed

Our silent tears.

A hand on our shoulder when we felt,

Like the world was over.

The care and love that you showed

Despite our short comings

Those sparkling eyes,

That attractive beautiful face,

Those precious words,

Full of knowledge and wealth.

The birth place of love,

And the store house of knowledge

That enthusiastic stride and

That cheerful talk,

These things will never be forgotten,

You were a great leader,

An excellent teacher,

A powerful lecturer,

A profound orator,

And a well respected scholar

Missing you is not just a word to be said,

But an emotion to be felt.

Now that you will not be near us

To guide us and cheer us in our journey of life,

We all have just one word to say

With our eyes filled with tears,

Adieu dear man - - - we miss you

And we will miss you for ever. .

My Golden Days

It was in the year 2002 that I was wondering “what am I doing in this world “, having no clue as to what so ever after I had got the least percent of marks in my higher secondary exams. My parents had high hopes on me as I was the only child in the family. They wanted me to do my engineering or my medicine (usually everyone thinks like that I guess) and at a particular point of time I thought that I would not fulfill their exceptions and not even enter college. It was then when I met a friend (my close buddy at school ) who was studying his visual communication in srm college. I was very much influenced by him and I thought I could take up this course as well. After this was when my real hunt for a college began and I went to almost all the colleges in this city. By the grace of God and the influence used by my grandfather I got into the most wonderful, exciting, awesome, prestigious, beautiful college in the country. And that’s my MCC – The Madras Christian College. I call this as “my college” is because it has become my home now for the past 5 “short” years and I still love every moment I spend here.

My graduation there had mixed experiences, my ups and down’s, good times and bad times, but for me everything seemed to be right as I saw it as the land flowing with milk and honey. I term these 5 years of my stay here in mcc as “short” because never had I wanted to leave the premises and even after these years it is just like another day for me.

I was completely a different person when I did my vis com here, new set of an atmosphere, new friends and a new life style all together. Slowly I gathered my own group of friends as usual the regular college attitude , bunking class, coming late, sitting in the gutters (mcc is famous for that) doing anything possible under the sun to have fun. Vijai , jaga, satish, Johnson, sorna, magesh, roydon, ben, peep, mosses and all my classmates , the unforgettable guys . We were the first batch in the college after they started this course (so we had a lot of freedom).

After my three days (three years there seemed to be like three days for me) stay in mcc I felt that I was going to miss something in life as I had to leave the college , but thanks to destiny which brought me back to my sweet home to do my post graduation in communication in that very same year. Now these two years I feel is the turning point in my life as I learned many things. I have no words to term this as this is a new experience for me I never had in those past 3 years. My lectures, my friends everything seemed to be giving a new dimension to my life. Itch, fenn, dinesh, peep, deepa, mia, ruth were all very close friends with me.

As the curtains are drawn and as the day comes to an end and as I am coming to the final last days of my college life I see not a dull picture but bright and prosperous days ahead of me , a completely molded person by the careful hands of my lecturers . A million thanks to mcc for making me what I am now. The only things I will miss are those “late lazy mornings, foot board travel, late attendance, long intervals, sharing canteen foods, late night chats, some misunderstandings (many a times with fenn itch, deepa, dinesh), correcting friends for exams, struggle for marks, mass bunk, fresher day and farewell. I can say that college life is nothing but heaven.